- Johnny: "Okay, well unfortunately, we're gonna have to ask you to shut it down."
- Trish: "Oh, you have nothing to worry about, Mr. Rose. We're a very high-end operation, and very discreet. Besides, people are making love in these rooms, whether they rent by the day, the week, or the hour."
- ―Johnny Rose and Trish[src]
"Rooms by the Hour" is the fifth episode in the third season of Schitt's Creek. It is the thirty-first episode overall.
While Stevie is away from the front desk, Johnny is able to overcome the technical issues of the computerized booking system, which is foreign to him, to rent to a woman who to him seems like the perfect customer: she wants to rent multiple rooms, she wants to pay cash, and she only wants the rooms during what would be considered the motel's off-hours, namely during the day. It isn't until he tells Stevie what he's done that he fully comes to realize what he's done. Johnny and Stevie have to figure out how to deal with the fact that he has contributed to the facilitation of the world's oldest profession in the motel. Meanwhile, Moira hears from one of her old agents that she has been shortlisted for a role in a feature film. The thought of acting again results in Moira placing her other commitments on the back burner, including performing a duet at an upcoming Jazzagals concert with Jocelyn. The more Moira goes through the long distance audition process and learns about the movie, the more she may be swayed in one direction in doing or not doing the movie, regardless of if she is offered the role and regardless of the self-created hype within her Schitt's Creek social circle. And Ted is irked that one of his competitors has embarked on his annual beefcake campaign to promote his veterinary services, beefcake which should have nothing to do with one's choice of a vet. Alexis convinces Ted that he does need to advertise more, but doing so in a way that truly promotes what he does as a vet, and using a medium of the twenty-first century. The campaign takes on some unexpected aspects with some predictable results.
- Eugene Levy as Johnny Rose
- Catherine O'Hara as Moira Rose
- Daniel Levy as David Rose
- Annie Murphy as Alexis Rose
- Jennifer Robertson as Jocelyn Schitt
- Emily Hampshire as Stevie Budd
- Dustin Milligan as Ted Mullens
- Sarah Levy as Twyla Sands
- Chris Elliott as Roland Schitt
- Jennifer Dale as Trish