Patrick: "Hey listen, David, your Mom is a great director. She's just not used to working with amateur dancers."
Stevie: "Yeah, last week she told me to dance like an Indonesian scarf caught in the wind. I don't even know what that looks like."
Patrick Brewer and Stevie Budd to David Rose[src]

"The Roast" is the twelfth episode in the fifth season of Schitt's Creek. It is the sixty-fourth episode overall.

Plot Summary

With Moira, in directing Cabaret, not understanding the limitations of amateurs, Patrick and Stevie, unable to nail a Moira-choreographed dance number, have had to resort to taking private dance lessons, which, if she found out, Moira would consider it a betrayal to her. As such, a less than happy David has been tasked with keeping Moira preoccupied whenever Patrick and Stevie are having their dance lessons, which may be more difficult for what is Patrick and Stevie's final lesson. With Moira preoccupied with the show, she is unable to be one of the roasters at the annual Mayor's Roast, about which Roland is dismayed as he always appreciates Moira's zingers aimed at him. Johnny volunteers to fill in for Moira, he who has to find the right balance of being funny without going over the line. As opposed to being over the line, he is as far away from the line as he could get as a starting point. And Ted has been accepted into a prestigious research program in the Galapagos Islands for six months. As the Galapagos are not exactly Alexis' cup of tea, she and Ted have to figure out what to do about the opportunity and their relationship.



Guest Starring:


  • Marilyn Bellfontaine as Gwen Currie
  • Nicholas Anderson Tull as Derek
  • Aaron Jensen as Accompanist
Schitt's Creek
Season One
Our Cup Runneth OverThe DripDon't Worry, It's His SisterBad ParentsThe CabinWine and RosesTurkey ShootAllez-VousCarl's FuneralHoneymoonLittle SisterSurprise PartyTown for Sale
Season Two
Finding DavidFamily DinnerJazzagalsEstate SaleBob's BagelsMoira vs. Town CouncilThe CandidateMilk MoneyMoira's NudesRonnie's PartyThe Motel GuestLawn SignsHappy Anniversary
Season Three
Opening NightThe ThroupleNew CarDriving TestRooms by the HourMurder MysteryGeneral StoreMotel ReviewThe AffairSebastien RaineStop Saying Lice!Friends & FamilyGrad Night
Season Four
Dead Guy in Room 4Pregnancy TestAsbestos FestGirls' NightRIP Moira RoseOpen MicThe BarbequeThe JazzaguyThe Olive BranchBaby SprinkleThe RolloutSingles WeekMerry Christmas, Johnny Rose
Season Five
The CroweningLove LettersThe PlantThe DressHousewarmingRock On!A Whisper of DesireThe HospiesThe M.V.P.RoadkillMeet the ParentsThe RoastThe HikeLife is a Cabaret
Season Six
Smoke SignalsThe IncidentThe Job InterviewMaid of HonourThe PremiereThe WingmanMoira RoséThe Presidential SuiteReboundSunrise, SunsetThe Bachelor PartyThe PitchStart Spreading the NewsHappy Ending
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